It's true.

Last night over drinks one of Melody’s co-workers remarked “Your daughter is amazing.” I replied, “She’s got an amazing mother.” I knew in saying that there was a conflict of interest. It was the charming thing to say, after all, and it’s good press. I uttered it in half-truth. But as soon as I said it, to my surprise, my eyes misted over. I choked back a tear. I realized it really was true. She is amazing. She isn’t perfect, but she’s perfect for our family. She’s both a cheerleader and a disciplinarian to our child (she dotes, but she will not be played). She’s impeccably organized, a master of itineraries. By the time you think of it, she has handled it. She gave fierce competition this year for Wittiest Leong (see: Insta captions). She is incredibly driven in her career, she gives until there is nothing left to give. She continually shows me my sin, and is quick to forgive. A beautiful woman, inside and out (see: photo). Marriage isn’t just a partnership, it’s a grafting. It is by her willingness to walk alongside me that she is making me a better man. Happy 30th Birthday to the Love of My Life, the Delight of My Eyes, my dear Melody!

With a Single Tear.

Note the passage of time: when asked if she wanted to watch “Elmo or Tayo,” Evangeline replied “No.”

“Elmo?” I asked more carefully.

“No,” she answered.

“Tayo then?” I said.

“No,” she answered again.

“...George?” I asked reluctantly.

“No,” she quickly dismissed as she had for months.

I was confounded. I landed the cursor incredulously on “Bella and the Bulldogs,” (because one of the creators is a good friend of my sister). She said yes. Surely she’d lose interest a minute in, I thought, it’s not a cartoon at all! What transpired left me in knots. Most progressions are systematic and largely unnoticed until you think to yourself “Hm, she’s not doing that anymore.” But on the eve of her birthday, I watched her as she sat totally engaged by a “big kid’s show,” unable to deny that she had grown. Today she is a goofy ham of a toddler, loaded with party tricks, a bit sassy and very inclusive. With a single tear in my eye I proudly proclaim that my daughter is TWO!

The Unbearable Beauty of Her Face.

In C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, a man is guided through a trip to heaven. As soon as I learned of my aunt's passing, I knew that she was the woman whom Lewis was talking about here:

“First came bright Spirits, not the Spirits of men, who danced and scattered flowers. Then, on the left and right, at each side of the forest avenue, came youthful shapes, boys upon one hand, and girls upon the other. If I could remember their singing and write down the notes, no man who read that score would ever grow sick or old. Between them went musicians: and after these a lady in whose honour all this was being done.

I cannot now remember whether she was naked or clothed. If she were naked, then it must have been the almost visible penumbra of her courtesy and joy which produces in my memory the illusion of a great and shining train that followed her across the happy grass. If she were clothed, then the illusion of nakedness is doubtless due to the clarity with which her inmost spirit shone through the clothes. For clothes in that country are not a disguise: the spiritual body lives along each thread and turns them into living organs. A robe or a crown is there as much one of the wearer's features as a lip or an eye.

But I have forgotten. And only partly do I remember the unbearable beauty of her face.

“Is it?...is it?” I whispered to my guide.
“Not at all,” said he. “It's someone ye'll never have heard of. Her name on earth was Sarah Smith and she lived at Golders Green.”
“She seems to be...well, a person of particular importance?”
“Aye. She is one of the great ones. Ye have heard that fame in this country and fame on Earth are two quite different things.”
“And who are these gigantic people...look! They're like emeralds...who are dancing and throwing flowers before here?”
“Haven't ye read your Milton? A thousand liveried angels lackey her.”
“And who are all these young men and women on each side?”
“They are her sons and daughters.”
“She must have had a very large family, Sir.”
“Every young man or boy that met her became her son – even if it was only the boy that brought the meat to her back door. Every girl that met her was her daughter.”
“Isn't that a bit hard on their own parents?”
“No. There are those that steal other people's children. But her motherhood was of a different kind. Those on whom it fell went back to their natural parents loving them more. Few men looked on her without becoming, in a certain fashion, her lovers. But it was the kind of love that made them not less true, but truer, to their own wives.”
“And how...but hullo! What are all these animals? A cat-two cats-dozens of cats. And all those dogs...why, I can't count them. And the birds. And the horses.”
“They are her beasts.”
“Did she keep a sort of zoo? I mean, this is a bit too much.”
“Every beast and bird that came near her had its place in her love. In her they became themselves. And now the abundance of life she has in Christ from the Father flows over into them.”
I looked at my Teacher in amazement.
“Yes,” he said. “It is like when you throw a stone into a pool, and the concentric waves spread out further and further. Who knows where it will end? Redeemed humanity is still young, it has hardly come to its full strength. But already there is joy enough in the little finger of a great saint such as yonder lady to waken all the dead things of the universe into life.”

 

So Must the Heart.

What Melody didn’t mention is that, along with the indiscriminate gushing, the journal also served as a place to air out our gut fears and the frustrations we felt during our long distance engagement. At those too we can laugh. Some reckon we married young because we were just "marriage people,” but the truth is that we didn’t know what we were doing. There are entries in the journal where one of us (mostly me) is agonizing over an argument that we had, unsure of what it meant for our future, arriving nowhere by the end. Someone once said, “The problem with seeking counsel with yourself is that he thinks like you!” Self-reflection can only speculate about experiences that are new.

So we sought wisdom. The advice we got from a number of stalwart marriages we were blessed to know amounted to something that was at once commonsensical and counterintuitive: love each other. In other words, do your duty, which over the years was grueling, perhaps gut-wrenching, some moments at odds with every fiber of our being; but like the body ought to be trained so must the heart--and in the same way after years of proper training, you can look back at the obstacles that used to seem insurmountable to you, and laugh.

  “[Love] is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God…It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.” - C.S. Lewis

- J

For years.

Last week, Julian rediscovered a journal where he and I wrote letters to each other while we were dating and engaged.  It included the usual mushy words of infatuation and excitement to which we rolled our eyes and laughed.  Over the years, our love letters have been replaced with endless to do lists and I can barely recognize those wide-eyed young lovers!

While it is nice to reminisce about how wildly in love we were then, it's even more fulfilling to know how our love transforms into something  deeper with each passing year.  You drive me crazy sometimes and challenge me daily, but as cliche as it is, I am so glad God chose you for me.  You've seen firsthand what a mess I am-- my flaws, my weaknesses, my anxieties, my pride-- and yet still commit yourself to our marriage and family.  This way you seek to love like Jesus is the reason why marriage is bearable and beautiful and why I love you so much (it also doesn't hurt that you're a great father and excellent chef).  Here's to four years and for years to come.  

-M

My Favorite 1st-year moment: Julian.

Melody and I agreed to share our favorite memory from Evie's first year...

I always wondered how much you can really know a person at six months. Watching her motor skills develop and personality bud, that’s not what surprised me. I've observed these before in other children, albeit seeing them this closely was especially curious, it’s not what surprised me. I entered the room, plainly as ever. She noticed me come in, and smiled. She recognized me. I don't mean she recognized me in the way she might recognize her, say, bottle, it wasn't that she simply identified me, she remembered me. It was more the way you might recognize an old friend in the supermarket. It was a smile, not just delight (again, the way she recognizes her bottle), but relief and amusement and nostalgia. You… I almost whispered to myself, astonished…remember me? I always wondered how much you can know a person a six months, I had never even considered how much a person at six months can know you. And that’s love, isn’t it? To be known.

- J

1st Birthday Wish.

As you may or may not know, during a recent family trip to CA, we found out the unexpected news that my sister's son, my handsome 3-year-old nephew, Dylan Joe (DJ), was diagnosed with B-cell leukemia. After finding out that Thursday, DJ was admitted to the the Children's Hospital of Orange County and promptly began chemo the following day. We thank God that his body has been responding well to the treatments so far, but there is still much to do both for him and others fighting against various cancers.

With that said, Julian and I (with Evie in tow) will be participating in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light the Night 5K Walk on Saturday, October 3 in NYC. It looks like a very special event that helps to raise funds for research, treatments and resources for patients and families of those affected with blood cancers. We've created the team GO GO DYLAN JOE in honor of DJ! 

In lieu of gifts for Evie's 1st birthday, we are asking for donations to support this important cause.

Here is a link for info about Light the Night Walk:

http://www.lightthenight.org/

Here is a link to the team page:

http://pages.lightthenight.org/nyc/Queens15/GOGODYLANJOE

Thank you so much.

- M

Loddy Doddy.

A rockin gift from Tita Crees.

Dada All Day Every Day.

There are many things that Julian is good at: making a mean marinara from scratch, busting out old school lyrics and trivia, falling asleep at any time in any place in any position, mastering the done-yet-not-done hairdo, preventing any leftovers, making sure no one is left out, awaking from a deep sleep just in time for his stop on the train, choosing the perfect dessert for a meal, speaking truth with love, encouraging the discouraged, and providing a worthy competitor (or unmatched partner) in all games.

Above all, he's a faithful lover of Jesus, which then makes him a wonderful husband, which then overflows to our beloved Evangeline.  He gets sad when she often lunges towards me, but we both know she's totally a "Daddy's girl."



My heart melts watching him swoon over her and vice-versa.  She looks at him and smiles her wide toothless smile because with him she feels loved and safe.  My hope is that the security in her daddy points her to the greater security in her Heavenly Father.



What a blessing you are to us.  So thankful that you love the Lord, so that you'll better know how to love our family.  No wonder Evie has been constantly singing your praises these days!




A very happy Father's Day to you, my dear.  We love you!  Now let's get some ice cream! 

Deuces!
- M & e

Evangeline’s Tips for a Happy Life.

I’m almost eight months now and I can honestly say I’m living the life I want. Here are a few tips I’ve come to find work for me:

Eat well. It’s simple: eating well makes you feel well. Make sure you have an on-call mommy, one who is available in the wee hours of the night but will still get up at the crack of dawn to break your fast. When she knows she’s going out, she prepares meals in advance. She works very hard to keep my cheeks looking their fullest, even if it means cutting back on sleep.

Baths are essential. I take a few a week to keep me feeling my best. Mommy always makes sure the temperature is just right. She puts my favorite toys in and chats with me while she scrubs my head and back. She finishes with an oatmeal lotion and a massage. She delivers every time and is never tired!

Play! Games are vital to keeping a healthy brain, so make sure your mommy knows how to make a game out of anything, everything from putting on clothes (the worst) to making old toys feel new again. When your mommy is as clever as mine, you know you’re making the most out of playtime. (Note: I also recommend a mommy who can think of songs on the spot, like her surprise hit “These Are My Toes.” A diverse playlist makes even the toughest days fly by. Have your mommy learn to incorporate tickles and kisses to up the fun factor). Where does she even find the energy?!

Travel often. My mommy takes me on walks almost every day. My favorite is the carrier, she leaves me things like her necklace or her hair within reach for me to pull on if I get bored. She says running used to be her “me time” (I don’t understand…is there any other kind of time?), but she started taking me with her. It’s like she doesn’t need any rest at all!

 
                       

When I wake up, she’s there. When I go to sleep, she’s there. She knows what I need, often before I even know it, and always before Daddy knows it. Life for me isn’t always easy (sometimes it’s very easy), but she’s definitely the reason my life is a happy one.

- E

A Mother's Day Special.

Every Year.

Engagement, Dec 2010

“Every year has been different,” she said. This is why vows are so important--Our first year was job, then no job, then job, then no job. Our second included surgery and a return to school. Our third (it goes without saying) a wrecking ball to life as we knew it--and more than just convention, because every year is different, circumstances subject to change, but for a marriage to flourish devotion must stay the same.

-J

Plans and Providence.

Over the years, increasingly, Thanksgiving has been a holiday not of thankfulness but unthankfulness. That is, I’m reminded how positively unthankful I am. Not only did I demand the money I justly deserved (it was right to hold her to the original agreement), but even the money I didn’t deserve I treated as mine. It would embarrass me to admit how much has been handed to my family this year, you would think we didn’t know how to be on our own. So when the voice finally chimed in "After all I’ve given you, do you think I won’t continue to give?" I decided to forgive the debt, and she kept the money. The reality is our home these three years hasn’t been a result of plans but of providence.

-J

A Distant Past.

I can recount it all...the shock of my water breaking at 4:00am, the confusion about whether or not it was time to go, the anticipation during the drive to the city, the anxiety of only being 1cm dilated at my initial exam, the discomfort of being induced with pitocin, the silent plea for an epidural (“I've known you for a year now and you're always smiling," Dr. Ferber said gently, "but I can see it in your face that you're going to need epidural.”), the panic when my blood pressure (and baby’s) made a drastic dip, the exhaustion after varied attempts to rotate the baby; and above all, the terror before pushing, the fear that anything could still happen.

The doctor’s signal. The nurse’s instructions. Each encouraging one-liner Julian could muster. “You can do it!” “You’re doing great!” “Almost there!” “Keep going!” All the pushing, wincing, crying, joined with the hectic hours at the hospital, and even the nine months of carrying her, fused together, leading up to that single moment our darling Evangeline Kyle, a vulnerable 6lb and 8oz and 20in, was laid across my chest.

It’s been said that when a woman goes into labor, she’s in anguish, but after the child is born, she forgets her suffering. And that is what happened when she was handed to us.  As we gazed upon her, the memory of any pain became a distant past.  The sixteen minutes, the long hours, and the nine months, overcome by a single moment of incredible joy I will never forget.

 

- M

Evangeline Kyle.

“Now I know why they’re called ‘a bundle,’” I whispered to my beloved as our baby lay leafed up like a cabbage in the swaddling that garnered our nurse’s praise: tight, secure, previously unknown yet welcomed like a fond memory. Over the last several hours came an outpouring of texts, emails, messages, comments, and phone calls; amidst which we shared Evie’s sense of calm, surrounded by a presence pressing, tender, and almost unbearable. Even her name, a tribute to those before her, as if by christening her with the invocation “You are your kin, your kin is you,” she really would continue the character and qualities of her legacy, cradled in them like the swaddling clothes. Angelina, Great Grandmother, Iron Matriarch of the Farol Family, Major’s Wife, mother to six sons and one daughter raised in the same stalwart respect and loyalty, such that in her last days they were all there, children having moved from the same home in Batangas to live in the same area of Southern California, children with children’s children and children’s children’s children, all formed in the same living reverence. And Kyle, Dear Cowsin, Forever Young, with his indomitable smile, who in teaching his younger brothers to be older brothers themselves shifted the paradigm for brotherhood: not roughness, not dominance, but with humility and gentleness he taught them to stand on their own feet; Kyle, who joined his grandmother before starting his first day as a UCI anteater, ending his lifelong battle with lupus. Together, Angelina the Iron Matriarch and Kyle the Forever Young, Kyle and Angelina, Angelina and Kyle, they gird her, establishing the principle by which we intend to raise her, that love is given before it is known.

- J

Before You Meet the World.

By the sheer grace of God, we've made it this far, Baby Girl.  Month 9!  You've grown (according to my app) from the size of a raspberry to a watermelon, gentle flutters to sharp jabs, tiny blob to big ol’ baby!  I'm beginning to understand why parents confront nostalgia with every new school year or birthday (“I can't believe my baby is this old!”) Even now, I already have my share of emotions—“Hurry up!” constantly alternates with “Slow down!"

Your crib sits squished right next to my side of the bed in the corner of our small bedroom with no space between. Still, it won't be the same as carrying you in my belly. Your dad often asks, "Do you love her?” and I can't explain it. This morning I wanted to sleep in a little since you wake me up so much throughout the night. But you got your tiny hiccups again, so I just laid awake and placed my hand on my belly, knowing it won't be for much longer I can share this sensation with you. I feel like I’m protecting you from the world. I know I’ll miss our moments like these.



People always ask if we're ready for you to turn our world upside-down. I don't think we'll ever be. Each day will present new challenges where your Daddy and I will stare at each other and either laugh or cry.  We'll endure sleepless nights.  We'll rub your back. We'll wipe your tears. We'll listen to you vent.  We'll share your excitement and shoulder your burdens.  We'll watch you grow and learn and wonder where the time has gone. Most of all, we'll pray with you and for you to know and love God, because, Baby Girl, we know we cannot be everything for you.

We cannot protect you from all the pain or guard you from every danger or guide your every step in this world, but we can offer you up to Him who promises to be our Shield, our Shepherd, and our Salvation. And by doing so, you'll be in the best hands possible for He will guide you, deliver you, and bless you beyond understanding. If you need proof, just ask your parents.

- M

Talk About a Party... or 3!

Over the past couple of months, Leong Party of 3 has had the opportunity to party x3!

In July, I flew solo to California to celebrate our newest addition.  Despite an exhausting commute (which involved a broken-down shuttle bus, my cab hitting a motorcyclist, getting yelled at by a cab driver and a missed flight), the results of the weekend overshadowed the stress and proved to be a true delight! Our dear family and friends collaborated on a sweet shower held at the in-laws' home.  Carrying over the lovebird theme from our wedding, they so cleverly proclaimed that "a little birdie told us... the Leong nest is growing."  Everyone loved every creative detail and I especially enjoyed spending time with ladies that I don't get to see often.  I was so touched by it all.    

 

 

 

 

 

Check out our friend Helen's blog for more details and pics!

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A couple weeks later, I was called into my boss' office for an impromptu meeting.  As professional and serious as ever, we proceeded with a lengthy discussion before heading to our monthly department meeting, which another co-worker had earlier warned would be "intense."  With my notebook ready to take notes, I entered the room only to be legitimately surprised by smiling faces, decorations, snacks, drinks, games and gifts!  A surprise baby shower!  On top of that, I spotted familiar, spiked hair behind a shelf--- they had secretly coordinated for Julian to join the celebration!  I was floored by such a great display of support and kindness from my co-workers.  Leong Party of 3 overwhelmed by love from the MC Team Party of 20+! 

 

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Next up was our NY baby shower, graciously organized by the lovely ladies of our community group.  It was an intimate afternoon with some of my favorite foods and sweets, complete with games, prizes and an overwhelming mountain of gifts from both coasts!  It's so nice to know that though our blood relatives are across the country, we have developed great relationships with this east coast community, our NY family.  How God has worked to grow these friendships over the last two years has been evidence of His faithfulness, indeed.

 

 

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To hear others' excitement and kind words throughout these events (and throughout the entire pregnancy), we feel so blessed that our growing family is surrounded by supportive, caring people to celebrate alongside us.  God has been so gracious in showing us that we are not alone on this new adventure and that various communities are ready and willing to further shower Baby Girl with love.  Thank you everyone from the bottom of our overjoyed hearts!  We love you all!    

- M

Cheers to You, Daddy!

No matter how many apps and books and words of wisdom I followed, pregnancy is more than I ever imagined.  Baby and I have countless intimate-- almost secret-- moments, feeling her every movement.  While I try to involve Julian by having him watch my belly move or try to catch her kicking, it's not quite the full experience.  That's not to say he hasn't been along for the ride or contributing a great amount to this pregnancy season. 

Julian has made his share of sacrifices-- altering his cooking to ensure proper nutrition for us (like scrapping his usual chicken dishes when the food aversions kicked in), offering massages (a pregnancy essential and my personal fave), being sensitive to my exhaustion and my inability to participate in social events, stepping up with housework, reading, praying and singing with the baby (oh yes, LOTS of singing),  etc.  And for someone who has always struggled with body image, my growing belly provoked silly questions always directed to my gracious husband who would gently remind me, "of course you're gaining weight-- you're pregnant. You're growing a child," shaking me out of my insecurities. 

He really has proven to be an amazing father already and this season has further revealed how blessed I am to have such a loving husband and now partner in parenthood.  Funny how that works-- because of this little baby, I love my husband even more.  And that'll be so crucial for Baby Girl to feel secure and loved too.  

Many have warned us that you will never be completely "ready" for parenthood.  Our prayer has been that our growing nest will be full of the love of Jesus and for each other, so that when our daughter joins the party,  she will enter a home overflowing with that love.  And with a leader and partner like my dear husband (and the sheer grace of God!), I think we're on the right track.  So cheers to you Ian, Baby Girl and I love you so much!

- M

Sharing Our Joy.

 

 

We were so touched to see our loved ones cheer and shed tears of joy as they joined in our excitement.  Thank you everyone for your kindness thus far and we continue to ask for prayers for our growing family and all that is soon to come our way.  One thing is certain, that whether here or there, our little Leong will be showered with lots of love.

-M

That's My Girl.

I see my daughter several of times a day. The preteen on Prince Street, clutching her dad’s hand over her shoulder; the gurgling pink and white bundle, bouncing on her mother’s knee; the silly schoolgirls shoving each other and shouting at their mom. I say to myself “That’s my girl.” I wonder about our days together as father and daughter—what we’ll bond over, what she’ll resent me for, how I’ll pore and fuss over her to no end. My affections for her grow stronger each day. I say her name. I whisper to her at night. I tell myself I’m out of my depth. People ask if I’m excited about becoming a dad. I’m not going to be a dad, I am a dad.

-J

The Sweetest Sights and Sounds.

February 26, 2014

Today, we would see our child for the first time.  We sat back as the sonographer did her thing.  The numbers, lines and black-and-white blurs made no sense to us until, indeed, we saw little baby--- or what looked like a little peanut at the time.  "And there's the baby.  Congratulations!"  I think Julian and I simultaneously let out an awe-struck "wooow."  As if the sight of this precious baby wasn't exciting enough, "...and here's the heartbeat.  Sounds good."  Those sweet little thumps confirmed that the image onscreen was more than just a blob of cells.  That was our baby, at a mere 7.5 weeks and just about the size of a raspberry, so full of life.  As that tiny heart beat, two first-time parents' hearts filled with joy.  We are so incredibly excited to see you, Baby.  

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

-M